"Though He Fall"

It's so easy to wallow in feelings of hurt and rejections. It's easy to look at your life in seasons of pain. To think about all the times you've been hurt and let down. Left out to dry. Lonely. Betrayed. Abandoned. When you least expected it. It's easy to keep our heads down, tormented by our past and what's been done to us. To keep our eyes locked on the hurt and keep our hearts locked away to never get hurt again.

It's easy to let pain become reality. To let it fester and mingle in our everyday lives as it calls out the lies that we aren't good enough and we'll never measure up. The lies that we aren't lovely or lovable.

It's easy to get stuck here. To let these lies strip you of every bit of self-worth and pride. And that's just what the devil wants. He wanted us to lose sight of the truth about us. He wants us to live in the reality that we aren't loved or worthy.

But you see, this is far from the truth and we should waste no more of our time believing these lies. Because our time is precious!

Psalm 39:4 says, 

"O LORD, make me know my end 

and what is the measure of my days;

let me know how fleeting I am!"

You see, I lived in the reality of my hurt for far too long. This reality was wrought with fears and anxieties that kept me from gazing on they eyes of my Savior. They left me lonely on nights when all I had to do was sit and allow His truths to comfort me. 

It's easy to see the hurt in the world around us. But as Children of God, we have so many promises to take hold of. Promises of hope. Promises of eternity. Promises that we will not fail. The battle is won. He WILL uphold us. It's time we start living in light of these truths. 

The Bible says we WILL fall. "Though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand," (Psalm 37:24). Therefore, we shouldn't be surprised when we face hurt. When we fall and things get hard. But we shall not allow these seasons to dictate how we live. Why? Because of the promise that follows. "The Lord upholds his hand." The Lord upholds your hand. That is not a maybe. It's a promise. A promise for today. A promise for tomorrow. A promise for those who trust in the Lord.

My prayer is that we can live in light of these promises rather that the pain of the past. Because we have so much to live for and so much to look forward to.

Newness of Life

I sat there on the hot sidewalk in the summer of 2014, broken hearted. No words could describe the pain of loneliness and anxiety I was feeling. Nothing made things better and no amount of time seemed to heal my heart.

It sat on the sidewalk as a wise friend encouraged me to do something that brought peace to my shattered heart. She told me to imagine my heart as it felt. If I were to look at my heart right now, what would it look like?

So I closed my eyes. I imagined a weak heart, barely beating. Chunks of it were missing. There were sticks smashed right through the center of it. There were rocks and dirt stuck to it. The heart was filthy, un-whole, disgusting.

Next, she told me to imagine Jesus taking my filthy heart and exchanging it with a brand new one. Pure, clean, untouched, whole. I saw Jesus holding my now new heart. It was like a pearl. His hands gently held it. It was pure and it was safe.

This image has stayed with me for several years. I am reminded of how often we spend so much of our time focusing on our brokenness. We focus on the hurt parts of our heart. And we forget to remember that God has made us whole and new. He has given us a new name, a new identity. Our lives are not defined by our losses, our heartbreaks, or our failures. We are pure and we are His. When the Father looks on us, He does not see a filthy, incomplete heart. He sees the pearl. Steady and beautiful. And He holds it safely.

This truth allows us to move away from our brokenness- our feelings of loneliness, rejection, and despair- and into newness of life. Because no matter what we’ve done and no matter what has been done to us, we are new. The Father looks on us with favor and lavishes us with His love.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" 

(2 Corinthians 5:17)

"Be Still."

“Be Still.” The words God uttered to me day after day this semester. The words I struggled to comprehend and obey. The words that sometimes made me mad. The words I fought with. The words God kindly whispered even when I ignored them. Words that speak of His faithfulness and unending love. Words that mean there is nothing I can do or need to do. Words that mean He’s got it. He’s taking care of it. Your life is in the palm of His hands. Words that mean to rest. Rest?

College students don’t rest. Maddy Kross doesn’t rest. Maddy lives a life of perfection and control. A life where she can predict and prepare for what’s ahead. A life of seeking to have a firm grip on everything so that nothing slips through the cracks. A life of striving and determination. A life of exhaustion.

And this, the Lord knew. He watched me strive and struggle to be in control. He watched me fight against His plans. He watched me grasp for answers out of a desire to understand and control the future. He watched me disobey His commands. But still He continued to whisper, “Be Still.” Day after day. Not out of frustration but out of love.

Out of love He kept tugging at my stubborn heart to look His way.  Out of Love He gently pulled at my clutched fists holding onto every bit of control I thought I had. Out of love He told me “No.” He told me this is not in my control. It’s been in His hands all along. Where is belongs. He told me to stop and “Be Still.”

I didn’t get it. Be Still? I was furious. I knew best. I had it all figured out.

The Lord told me, “I am fighting for your good and My glory.” Then I got it. I don’t know best. I don’t see the whole picture. My life was never in my own hands. I was stripped of my pride. I saw myself completely out of control.

Completely out of control yet completely loved. Not for the things that I had done or the things I would do. I’m completely loved for me. For who I am in Christ. Because I am His. Because He created me and loves me. He sees the deepest corners of my heart and loves me still. Wholly and completely.

Now empty-handed, this is what I hold onto. The promise that I am His and I am loved. The promise that He is working for my good and His glory. The promise that I don’t have to understand what is going on, I just have to trust Him. And my, how freeing this feels. This is what it looks like to rest. To be able to sit. Content in His presence. I can do absolutely nothing yet His face smiles upon me. He delights in me. And I can rest.

This is where rest is found. Not in a place of striving and grasping but in a place of looking upon His face in trust. Cause the one who hold the future holds my heart. “Be Still.”

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." (Exodus 14:14)

New Years Resolution Alternative

If you're like me, New Years resolutions never seem to work. You make the list and try your best to execute new plans all to find yourself feeling guilty 2 weeks later for letting yourself down. After that I typically give up. Which isn't necessarily a good thing, but thats just how it tends to go until when recently I was encouraged to try something new.

Instead of struggling to keep unrealistic expectations for myself, I was encouraged to pick one word to meditate on for the year. Choosing the word is entirely up to your choosing as it may hold some personal weight in your life. It can be made as simple or complex you want. It can come as an encouragement, a reminder, or a goal. Anything worthy to have an entire year dedicated to much thought.

This time last year, as a Freshman in college, I was in the midst of figuring out my life outside of the only place I've known. Outside of the comfort of familiarity and the security of close parental guidance. Moving away for the first time brought much uncertainty along with much growth. I began to recognize things that I would typically cling to that weren't as secure as I originally thought. I saw areas of life I sought for identity and fulfillment all to find that may value was not dependent upon the opinions of others, successes, friends, reputations. You name it. I quickly learned that I am no more or no less valuable based on things I'd done or what others thought of me. Because of that, for the year of 2015 I chose to focus on the word value. Through a flash card, related verses, or writing the word on my hand, I began to find ways to help recall the word in my mind and what it meant: That my value is found in Christ alone. No matter what I do or what I've done, I am as loved and as accepted by my Savior as I'll ever be. Fully and entirely. undoubtedly. My value as His sheep is infinite because of His grace. 

After a few weeks of meditating on this word as I drove, as I brushed my teeth, as I turned the pages in my planner, this truth began to seep its way deep into my heart. As my thoughts became centered on this truth, my heart began to change. This truth started to take effect on my actions. The New Years resolutions I would have originally made began to happen because my heart changed. I began to do the things I wanted to do not because of a checklist that ran my guilt stricken conscience but because of a a truth that lead me into actions out of praise for my Savior. Resolutions for things like working out or reading the Bible were no longer needed because I began to see myself through the eyes of my Maker.

At the start of 2016, I will chose a new word to focus my thoughts on. I encourage you to do the same. May the Peace of Christ be with you in this New Year.

Rest

I walked through an opened door and saw Him.

He sat there, simply, peacefully.

He welcomed me, “Come into my presence.”

I hesitated.

I looked back and saw them growling at the door.

Teeth snarling, claws ripping.

“Close the door. And come into my presence.”

Anxious fear swept over my body.

Again, He prompted,

“Leave them behind and come into my presence.”

Closing the door, I eased forward.

My body relaxed as I neared Him.

His eyes smiled warmly, reaching the cold parts of my heart.

I looked back at the door fearfully.

They were being slayed.

One unidentifiable man took on them all.

With strength and valor He fought them.

Shocked, I looked back at the One sitting there.

“The battle is already won.”

That Someone

I have a thirst for something not of this world.

A thirst for, for peace, for redemption, for healing, for salvation, for eternal joy, for home.

This thirst I have will never be quenched on the earth. But I look to quench it everyday.

I look in all the wrong places. I look in places that leave me empty and wanting more.
I look in places that promise fulfillment but leave me dry. Alone.

This thirst I'm longing to quench?

Well, you're looking for it too.

Our souls long for it. It's engrained at the center of our being to long for this completion, this wholeness, this perfection.

But the problem is:
Somewhere along the way we've lost sight of the One thing that can fill us.

Instead, we settle for everything less than and not enough. We settle for things that use and abuse. Things that lie. Things that damage. Things that scar.

We've been left scarred, broken, confused, and mistreated countless times. But we keep seeking in all the same places. All the wrong places.

We think, "Maybe this time I'll be filled."

We keep seeking. We keep breaking. We're broken. We're shattered.

Then that One thing.

It comes out of glorious light into our enveloping darkness, and speaks.

It says, "Come to me all you who are weary and I will give you rest."

You say, "All you who are weary? I'm weary."

This glorious light comes closer, meeting you right where you are. The darkness turns to light, exposing all your shattered parts.

You panic.

But then there's peace.

Inexplainable, all encompassing peace.

And it fills you.

This peace brings you hope.
This hope brings you promises.
This promise brings you a baby.
This baby brings you a Savior.
This Savior brings you healing.
This Savior gives you life.
New Life.

This New Life means your search is over.

The One your soul longs for has come.
He has come to set you free from this search. He has come to quench your thirst.

I have a thirst for something SOMEONE not of this world.

That Someone has come into this world.
That Someone has brought peace, redemption, healing, salvation, and eternal joy.
That Someone promises to take me home.
That Someone is Jesus.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." -Matthew 11:28

This I am Sure of

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."- Romans 8:28

Two weeks until the conclusion of an incredible summer. It wasn't at all what I thought it would be but it was everything I needed it to be.

While this summer was amazing, it was also one of the most difficult summers I've ever experienced. For various reasons. But looking back, I can see the hand of God in every moment. I smile as I type that, because that means that it was all worth it. All the questioning, all the tears, all the moments when it seemed like this couldn't possibly be in God's plan for me, all the days when I just wanted to quit. God was there through it all. He truly does work all things for good. I've seen that first hand this summer. I've seen this truth in my life before in countless ways but this summer I saw it in a HUGE, monumental, eye-opening, "hellooooo" sort of way. We're talking about the God who loves me. The God who gave His Son's life for me. The God who shaped me. Formed me. Planned me before the foundations of this world. Of course He's going to do everything in His power to work things out for my good. And He is all-powerful so I have nothing to be afraid of. It is true, He works all things for good.

I can now say these things with confidence. And you can too. You know why? Because, the God that loves me.. well He loves you too. He ADORES you. We just have to stop looking at the big storm in front of our face and look right beside us, where Christ sits. By our side. At all times. Even when we don't feel like He is. This I am sure of.

Now does this mean that whenever another struggle in my life pops up (big or small) that I'm not going to worry? or questions? or doubt? You think I have it all figured out? No, of course I don't. But I have this time in my life to look back and see how God was faithful. He is so faithful. I can look back and remember when God was the only One I could turn to. I can look back and remember that He is good and His love endures forever.

So this is my prayer for you, reader: That you would experience God in this sort of way. That you would chose to see His goodness on the hardest of days. That you would call out to Him, "Abba, Father", because that is exactly who He is to you if you are in Christ. My prayer is that you would have the kind of faith to trust Him and Him alone. Because you guys, He is so good. So unbelievably good. All the time.