"Be Still."

“Be Still.” The words God uttered to me day after day this semester. The words I struggled to comprehend and obey. The words that sometimes made me mad. The words I fought with. The words God kindly whispered even when I ignored them. Words that speak of His faithfulness and unending love. Words that mean there is nothing I can do or need to do. Words that mean He’s got it. He’s taking care of it. Your life is in the palm of His hands. Words that mean to rest. Rest?

College students don’t rest. Maddy Kross doesn’t rest. Maddy lives a life of perfection and control. A life where she can predict and prepare for what’s ahead. A life of seeking to have a firm grip on everything so that nothing slips through the cracks. A life of striving and determination. A life of exhaustion.

And this, the Lord knew. He watched me strive and struggle to be in control. He watched me fight against His plans. He watched me grasp for answers out of a desire to understand and control the future. He watched me disobey His commands. But still He continued to whisper, “Be Still.” Day after day. Not out of frustration but out of love.

Out of love He kept tugging at my stubborn heart to look His way.  Out of Love He gently pulled at my clutched fists holding onto every bit of control I thought I had. Out of love He told me “No.” He told me this is not in my control. It’s been in His hands all along. Where is belongs. He told me to stop and “Be Still.”

I didn’t get it. Be Still? I was furious. I knew best. I had it all figured out.

The Lord told me, “I am fighting for your good and My glory.” Then I got it. I don’t know best. I don’t see the whole picture. My life was never in my own hands. I was stripped of my pride. I saw myself completely out of control.

Completely out of control yet completely loved. Not for the things that I had done or the things I would do. I’m completely loved for me. For who I am in Christ. Because I am His. Because He created me and loves me. He sees the deepest corners of my heart and loves me still. Wholly and completely.

Now empty-handed, this is what I hold onto. The promise that I am His and I am loved. The promise that He is working for my good and His glory. The promise that I don’t have to understand what is going on, I just have to trust Him. And my, how freeing this feels. This is what it looks like to rest. To be able to sit. Content in His presence. I can do absolutely nothing yet His face smiles upon me. He delights in me. And I can rest.

This is where rest is found. Not in a place of striving and grasping but in a place of looking upon His face in trust. Cause the one who hold the future holds my heart. “Be Still.”

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." (Exodus 14:14)

New Years Resolution Alternative

If you're like me, New Years resolutions never seem to work. You make the list and try your best to execute new plans all to find yourself feeling guilty 2 weeks later for letting yourself down. After that I typically give up. Which isn't necessarily a good thing, but thats just how it tends to go until when recently I was encouraged to try something new.

Instead of struggling to keep unrealistic expectations for myself, I was encouraged to pick one word to meditate on for the year. Choosing the word is entirely up to your choosing as it may hold some personal weight in your life. It can be made as simple or complex you want. It can come as an encouragement, a reminder, or a goal. Anything worthy to have an entire year dedicated to much thought.

This time last year, as a Freshman in college, I was in the midst of figuring out my life outside of the only place I've known. Outside of the comfort of familiarity and the security of close parental guidance. Moving away for the first time brought much uncertainty along with much growth. I began to recognize things that I would typically cling to that weren't as secure as I originally thought. I saw areas of life I sought for identity and fulfillment all to find that may value was not dependent upon the opinions of others, successes, friends, reputations. You name it. I quickly learned that I am no more or no less valuable based on things I'd done or what others thought of me. Because of that, for the year of 2015 I chose to focus on the word value. Through a flash card, related verses, or writing the word on my hand, I began to find ways to help recall the word in my mind and what it meant: That my value is found in Christ alone. No matter what I do or what I've done, I am as loved and as accepted by my Savior as I'll ever be. Fully and entirely. undoubtedly. My value as His sheep is infinite because of His grace. 

After a few weeks of meditating on this word as I drove, as I brushed my teeth, as I turned the pages in my planner, this truth began to seep its way deep into my heart. As my thoughts became centered on this truth, my heart began to change. This truth started to take effect on my actions. The New Years resolutions I would have originally made began to happen because my heart changed. I began to do the things I wanted to do not because of a checklist that ran my guilt stricken conscience but because of a a truth that lead me into actions out of praise for my Savior. Resolutions for things like working out or reading the Bible were no longer needed because I began to see myself through the eyes of my Maker.

At the start of 2016, I will chose a new word to focus my thoughts on. I encourage you to do the same. May the Peace of Christ be with you in this New Year.